Uganda be kidding my by chelsea handler


isbn: 978-1-4555-9972-1
published: 2014
read from: dont remember but it took me 2 days

I cant even begin to describe to you how much i love this woman,
Actually, maybe i can.
Let me put it to you this way. I worked the Khloe & Lamar wedding. 
(4:22 in. short hair, pink bangs. what the hell was i thinking!!!!)
A) the Kardashians were there (!!!) (I could give 15 rats asses about them but you know how people  get over em)
B) a shit load of Lakers were there (coming from LA that's like 99.9% the dream; to be that close to them) &
C) i was asked to walk next to Kobe Bryant just to make sure no one was snapping pictures. I saw the man do the robot with his wife.
I told Kim she had dropped her silverware (which she gave NO shits about) I bumped in to Rob and he grabbed me by the shoulders and said sorry. I heard baby face (was it him?) sign their first song. Heck, i even caught the guy that was on the hit list (how? i don't even know) and ya wanna know what i geeked out over?
Meeting freaking Chelsea Handler!!!!!
I saw her in person and that was my highlight of working the Kardashian wedding. (We also worked Kim's wedding to Chris but i did not work that one)
So i think that should just about tell you how much i love this woman.
Shes so raunchy i love it!
If i had to pick a favorite style of writing  it would be this. The raunchy all in your face your face can you believe they said this?! writing (think Tucker Max)

anyways, as most of her other books, this is all about her adventures. 
and just when you think "there's no way in hell!" boom! there's a picture to prove that yes, yes it did happen. 

it starts with a trip to Africa and meeting/trying to bone 'one dead tooth' Rex. 
the shit she gets in to i swear! how do you go 8 days without pooping only to majorly crap yourself in the Bahamas? (also, who flies from Africa back to LA to go back to the Bahamas?) 
how do you consume that much alcohol and function? 
how do you take that many pills and survive?

CAMP DUMBO
-how do you get someone to straight up bring you so much weed!? 

REJECTION IN BOTSWANA
“Well, then I guess he’s not a prostitute. What Rex should really be doing with his life is working in Thailand teaching all those teenage prostitutes that their body is their choice and that the word No is an option to use with their johns.”

THE SWISS ALPS
she talks about tearing her ACL and the trip and gah! what a hot mess! 

TELLURIDE
in this chapter she talks about her dog Gary or well yea. 
i just love that she bought her one armed gardener a house so he could keep the dog. 
basically anyone that buys anyone a house no strings attached is the shit!

"my dog walker, Oscar, cried the day Gary left. “I really love that crazy dog,” he told me. So a week later, when Molly returned Gary, citing similar damage to her house, I asked Oscar if he would take him. “I don’t have a yard for him to run in,” he told me. “I’ll buy you a house with one.” “What about when I’m here walking the other two dogs?” he asked. “We’ll send him to doggy day care.” “Where will the house be?” “Wherever you want. I don’t care. Please, Oscar. I’m begging you.” And that was the end of Gary living at our house."

in my defense she still pays for the dogs, well, everything so hey!

YELLOW STONE PARK
this is probably my favorite chapter in the entire book. 
mostly because the way she talks about hooking up with that random stranger and the way she feels about it. 


there's not a lot that i can spoil for you cause its not a story per say but just a bunch of little anecdotes.
her other books have been a bit more out there but i liked this one. 
any other book she puts out, you best believe ill be reading.  
she's like the crazy adult human i hope to half be some day! haha. 

have you read any of her other stuff? 

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