before she knew him // peter swanson

published: 2019
pages: 309
read: 4/8-10/19 
rating: OMFG! all of the yes in the world!
book: 32 in 2019

"no, it would be a huge coincidence that we lived on the same street as the victim, then moved to the same street as the murderer." Lloyd

Catching a killer is dangerous—especially if he lives next door
From the hugely talented author of The Kind Worth Killing comes an exquisitely chilling tale of a young suburban wife with a history of psychological instability whose fears about her new neighbor could lead them both to murder . . .

Hen and her husband Lloyd have settled into a quiet life in a new house outside of Boston, Massachusetts. Hen (short for Henrietta) is an illustrator and works out of a studio nearby, and has found the right meds to control her bipolar disorder. Finally, she’s found some stability and peace.
But when they meet the neighbors next door, that calm begins to erode as she spots a familiar object displayed on the husband’s office shelf. The sports trophy looks exactly like one that went missing from the home of a young man who was killed two years ago. Hen knows because she’s long had a fascination with this unsolved murder—an obsession she doesn’t talk about anymore, but can’t fully shake either.
Could her neighbor, Matthew, be a killer? Or is this the beginning of another psychotic episode like the one she suffered back in college, when she became so consumed with proving a fellow student guilty that she ended up hurting a classmate?
The more Hen observes Matthew, the more she suspects he’s planning something truly terrifying. Yet no one will believe her. Then one night, when she comes face to face with Matthew in a dark parking lot, she realizes that he knows she’s been watching him, that she’s really on to him. And that this is the beginning of a horrifying nightmare she may not live to escape. . .

YES YES YES!!!!!!!! 

I'm not even sure how I'm supposed to go back to reading regular non-thriller books. 

agh! this one was sooooo good. 

of all the books that i got from the library, I'm not sure why i thought this was the least one to give me trouble renewing. turns out there was a hold for it and so i had to sorta rush through it as best as possible. 
as i was reading it, i kinda gave up and jumped to the last few chapters and i was like OH SHIT!
and because i didn't want to rush it, i "assumed" i knew the gist of it and i was just going to leave it as is but i kept going at it and i am so freaking glad i finished this book! because its so much more than what it gives you upfront. 

(the whole giving up thing was all on me and the time constrict vs the book. it had nothing to do with the writing. the writing and the story was amazing!) 

M A N. 
to say the least bit, this book gives it all to you all upfront. you know what happens, who did what and the why. and you think well, what else can come of it? let me tell you, knowing upfront doesn't mean anything because Swanson does such a good job tying up all nicely for you throughout the story.  and in the end, you think to yourself "well how the fuck did i miss that!?"

the ending. 
i cant! 


this guy is good. im reading all his stuff. i think there's only one other book (theres 3 and i own 2!) i gotta catch up on but if ya look back, i was a fan of his first read as well and i think its a bit of a theme for him but even if they are similar in subject, he does such a good job with this story as its own individual. 

i wasn't a fan of Hen and i think it was mostly her name cause i kept thinking of chickens (LMAO) but that's just me being weird. 
there was never a moment where i found the story lacking. 
besides me being dumb and wanting to give up because it was due, there was never a moment i wanted this story to end. 

maybe...maybe you can see where it unravels a bit, i missed it. erm, had i not read the ending first i definitely would have missed it. but i love the way that Hen & Matthew are more "alike" than they know. not in the same capacity but whoa. so good. 

just, this story was soo good. its been about a month since i read this book and I'm still thinking about how good it was! i get all excited when i see people diving in on it on instagram. 

i'll stop raving her but definitely read this book if ya want built up suspense! 

as always, spoilers after the jump! (but please note that i took forever to write them so some of it is out of order and there is still a lot i left out. but honestly, just read the book!) 

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when the sky fell on splendor // emily henry

published: 2019
pages: 340
read: 4/2-7/2019 
rating: like yea but WHAT!?  
book: 31 in 2019

Almost everyone in the small town of Splendor, Ohio, was affected when the local steel mill exploded. If you weren't a casualty of the accident yourself, chances are a loved one was. That's the case for seventeen-year-old Franny, who, five years after the explosion, still has to stand by and do nothing as her brother lies in a coma. 

In the wake of the tragedy, Franny found solace in a group of friends whose experiences mirrored her own. The group calls themselves The Ordinary, and they spend their free time investigating local ghost stories and legends, filming their exploits for their small following of YouTube fans. It's silly, it's fun, and it keeps them from dwelling on the sadness that surrounds them.

Until one evening, when the strange and dangerous thing they film isn't fiction--it's a bright light, something massive hurtling toward them from the sky. And when it crashes and the teens go to investigate...everything changes.

yea i liked it but i have no idea wtf i just read. 

Ahm, hmm.

I finished this book at about 230/3am Saturday into Sunday morning. (I'm writing this the day I finished it at 12pm now but who knows when I'll get to publish it since I'm a bit behind actually posting these)....
And I have to say, idk wtf I just read. 

Emily Henry is known for her magic/surrealism writing and I love her for it. Admittedly, her first book had me a bit lost. i didn't really know what i was reading. and meanwhile for her second one I was a bit more prepared on what to expect and had a better grip, her third book completely threw me off. 
It's still surrealism. Just, in a different angle (?). I'm not sure. 

I've read that this book is compared to the serpent king and stranger things. 
I can see stranger things. I'm a huge chicken shit so I was already scared reading a few pages in, in the dark in my own room! but over all, yes. I can see the resemblance. it has soome outer space thing that's running amok in the town and of course the kids are left to well, figure it out. 

As for the serpent king, well, I wasn't a fan of that book. There certainly were moments that I loved but I still stand by the whole "nothing really happens" thing except for it ripping your fucking heart out bc of Travis! I can see that it's the same in the aspect of friendship. Instead of 3 its 6. And I honestly loved this group of 6 (some more than the others and maybe it was their interactions with each other vs them individually) and also the whole small town/nothing will ever happen here & were doomed basically if we stay/we gotta get out of here deal. 

basically, those 2 match this book in the sense that: 

Small town = small town tragedy: ✔
Friendship bonded together over tragedy: ✔
Beat this shit together & live happily ever after: ✔ much as I wanted this book not to be compared to TSK, well, it is similar. Lots.

Especially in the sense that, a whole lot of movement happens but, nothing really explains the happenings until pg 320. And this book is 340 pages long. 

So much was going on with everyone having a piece of something going on, and all the Ahhh!!!! And you finally piece it together starting chapter 34 and then you're like oh! This is what it's all about. 
And....well, really? 

In the sense of a reader I was like really!?
just to get this!?

But then as I'm assuming Henry might have ever felt, I'm like oh, okay. This is about the universe and how shit happens and how a million things have to happen to give you what you currently have and you should appreciate it no matter what because its yours!

This books a lot about black holes and the universe and the Fibonacci spiral and it had me all over the place and more lost than not. It talked a lot about outer space shit that I've never even heard of and man, Henry really shows her knowledge here. I can imagine someone who loves outer space and stuff like that geeking out over this (assuming that it is all correct. I honestly have no idea.) 

I'm rambling on.

Overall, I'm glad I read it. 
I'm probably going to have to re read it several more times to fully understand it. 
But I gotta say, if I look at it from the "universe and everything happening to give you what you have" angle, then good fucking job. 
But I also gotta say, A LOOOOOOOT happens, too much, to justify the reasoning in regards to why it all happened for me. 

I cant really spoil it for you in details because i don't even know how to explain it as i read so just jump over for the allness of it.

Thx for reading!

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the color of lies // c j lyons

published: 2018
pages: 331
heard/read: 3/29-30/2019
rating: good, quick read
book: 30 in 2019

When you can see emotions in color, motives become black and white. Even murder.

High school senior Ella Cleary has always been able to read people. And for good reason: she has a rare medical condition called synesthesia that scrambles the senses, allowing Ella to see colors that reveal people’s true emotions. Everyone but Alec’s.
Alec is a mystery to Ella, a handsome, enigmatic young journalist who makes her feel normal for the first time in her life … until he reveals the real reason he sought her out. He wants to learn the truth behind her parents’ deaths. And Ella’s world turns upside down when Alec tells her their deaths were not an accident.
After learning her entire life is based on a lie, Ella doesn’t know who she can trust or even who she truly is. With family secrets slowly revealed and the evidence mixing fact and fiction, the only way for Ella to learn the truth about her past is to find a killer.

surprised i got into it like i did. went by pretty fast. for a free library read, it wasn't bad. 

another good one thanks to goodreads.
...and the only reason i got it was because the main character has synesthisia (and so does the rest of her family) and I've been interested in that subject ever since i read about it in another book a long time ago. that and i also liked the cover. 

this one was good. 
i didn't cheat and jump to the back so i didn't know what was going to happen. 
i started listening to it at work and i got suuuuper into it that i got home and listened to it some more. but the narrator wasn't going fast enough so i gave that up and started reading it on my own. and omg!!!!

you get the "twist" right away and you're all "oh no!!! how could..." and you get mad and then it turns out you had it backwards and the twist is even better!!!

i felt kinda bad for Ella but i mean, after everything, the world is basically all hers. 

it was a good quick suspense read that gives you twists everywhere. i will admit though, i skipped a few pages, maybe like a chapter or 2 because i found a more interesting part and then just read from there. all that i skipped was them (the kids) basically puzzling it together..ish. also, i think i skipped because my heart couldn't handle the suspense. but either way....i got everything. 

anyway, jump over for spoilers. 

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daisy jones & the six // taylor jenkins reid

published: 2019
pages: 333 (351 with lyrics)
heard/read: 3/16-28/2019
rating: the ending made this book for me! ❤
book: 29 in 2019

Everyone knows DAISY JONES & THE SIX, but nobody knows the reason behind their split at the absolute height of their popularity . . . until now.Daisy is a girl coming of age in L.A. in the late sixties, sneaking into clubs on the Sunset Strip, sleeping with rock stars, and dreaming of singing at the Whisky a Go Go. The sex and drugs are thrilling, but it’s the rock ’n’ roll she loves most. By the time she’s twenty, her voice is getting noticed, and she has the kind of heedless beauty that makes people do crazy things.

Also getting noticed is The Six, a band led by the brooding Billy Dunne. On the eve of their first tour, his girlfriend Camila finds out she’s pregnant, and with the pressure of impending fatherhood and fame, Billy goes a little wild on the road.

Daisy and Billy cross paths when a producer realizes that the key to supercharged success is to put the two together. What happens next will become the stuff of legends.

the ending is what made me love this book more than i thought i would overall. 
ahhh! i have never loved an open ending like i do this one. 


i wrote the spoilers first because i was having a hard time articulating how and what i wanted to say about this book. 

Admittedly, i wasn't too crazy to read this. i saw on IG that it was coming out and there was this huge hype on it but i wasn't buying into it. then release date got nearer and i thought "let me put this on hold at my library" thinking I'd be waiting for a few months before it got to me. low and behold, i think I'm one of the first few to get a brand new copy. i was surprised! (i also requested the audio version but that's going to be about 6 months before i get my turn. which is fine because I'd love to read along and experience this all over again.) 

i started reading it and i was intrigued but for some reason still took my time with it. i think this is the only book i read in march (maybe I'm coming off my book high?) and i don't know why. i didn't not like it, i liked it. it just fell on me because i wouldn't make the time to read it and well, can't get shit done if you don't make the time for it, amiright?
AND THEN...they released the UK version AND OMG LOOK AT THAT COVER!!!!! 😍😍😍
i had to own it. 

because it was due at the library at the end of the month (in march), iduno, i guess finishing it kicked into gear and i finished it with 4 days to spare....Even though i now had my own copy and could read at whatever pace i wanted 😑
....and honestly, especially because i own the book, i was thinking of shelving it and going through my other reads and then eventually coming back to it later. i have no idea what it was but I'm glad that i stuck it out. 

this is all on me. 
because once i got into it, i could not put it down. 
i read it in my car, at my work in the parking lot, i read it in bed before going to sleep, i read it at Costco when i saw they were selling it there, i read it while waiting in line to get Costco gas, i read it when i was chillin' at my grama's and my mom was bugging us to go home. heck i even read a few sentences in between red lights. *cringe*
i could not get enough! i wanted to get to the end. 
but i think for me it was because while it was a good read all along, it finally got amazing for me towards the end. 
when shit hits the fan. 

the way it all ties together. 
the reasoning behind the break up. 
all of them.
everything ties up. 
and the ending. 
OMG that ending!!!!!!!!!

i usually hate open endings. but this one. 
this ending is the most beautiful thing ever.  
i think its open to interpretation but i think its pretty obvious the way it's headed towards. 
and just, the way it all comes together. what a fucking beautiful story. 
because its so much more than JUST about the band. 
its more than just Daisy and the Six. 
more than just Billy and Daisy and Karen and Graham and Teddy & Warren, Pete & Eddie, Simone, Camila. 
its about love & marriage and sacrifice and feeling and hurting and accepting the truth no matter the pain that it causes you and others. and so. much. more. 
so much fucking more. 
it all ties up so good. 
so, so good. 
so yea, this is another favorite.
it's still #2 for me next to The 7 Husbands of Evelyn Hugo but goddamn is it good on its own. (actually no, now they both might be .5 each so they can each both hold a piece of #1 in my heart.) 
not once did i think "this isn't like Evelyn and i wish it was." 

I've already gone on too long and i don't want to take even longer so i'll end it here but i will say this: 
i liked Billy with Camila.
i liked their dynamic and ultimately, i do believe she was good for him and maybe what he needed. but, i had a bit of a hard time with her. mostly at the end. no, not a hard time. i think it just broke my heart a little bit. 
she knew the feeling. she knew what that pain was like. hell, i know what that fucking pain is like. and i think it was a bit unfair on her part. because here she was doing to Billy what was done to her. and why would you want that or want to do that to someone else? 
but i do understand that:
a) this is a fictional story
b) i've never been married nor do i have kids to take into consideration so i can't really speak on that because there is much more at stake than i can see from my point of view. 
c) it all transpired as it was supposed to to make the story be what it is.  because had the end happened then, it would have all fallen apart in so many ways. and i think the ending as it is is so fucking beautiful. (assuming that the ending is that....well, i don't want to spoil it here for you.) 
overall, i loved Camila. she had a clarity about her. and her views about life...she respected that not everyone is the same and that others have different views. she never once tried to force her views on anyone else. (well, except for the breakfast story that Karen talked about but...still...i mean real life things).

TJR is a freaking genius and i need to catch up on her other books and i will FOREVER read whatever she writes. this was another amazing one for me. 

keep em coming.

thanks for reading! 
#lesreads on IG  

99 percent mine // Sally Thorne

published: 2019
pages: 339
heard: 3/11-12/19 
rating: yea cool read
book: 28 in 2019

"why is life just about giving things up?"

Crush (n.): a strong and often short-lived infatuation, particularly for someone beyond your reach…

Darcy Barrett has undertaken a global survey of men. She’s traveled the world, and can categorically say that no one measures up to Tom Valeska, whose only flaw is that Darcy’s twin brother Jamie saw him first and claimed him forever as his best friend. Despite Darcy’s best efforts, Tom’s off limits and loyal to her brother, 99%. That’s the problem with finding her dream man at age eight and peaking in her photography career at age twenty—ever since, she’s had to learn to settle for good enough.

When Darcy and Jamie inherit a tumble-down cottage from their grandmother, they’re left with strict instructions to bring it back to its former glory and sell the property. Darcy plans to be in an aisle seat halfway across the ocean as soon as the renovations start, but before she can cut and run, she finds a familiar face on her porch: house-flipper extraordinaire Tom’s arrived, he’s bearing power tools, and he’s single for the first time in almost a decade.

Suddenly Darcy’s considering sticking around to make sure her twin doesn’t ruin the cottage’s inherent magic with his penchant for grey and chrome. She’s definitely not staying because of her new business partner’s tight t-shirts, or that perfect face that's inspiring her to pick up her camera again. Soon sparks are flying—and it’s not the faulty wiring. It turns out one percent of Tom’s heart might not be enough for Darcy anymore. This time around, she’s switching things up. She’s going to make Tom Valeska 99 percent hers.
good read. but i can see why everyone says SPOILED twins. overall, im meh about this one. 

for all the "man, it's just not the same" I've been bitching about, I'm surprised that I'm not saying that about this book. all in all i think it has to do with the fact that i read her first book back in 2016. i have some recollection but not enough to complain lol 

anyway, I'm surprised i was able to score the book and the audiobook pretty much right away. i was expecting a bit of a wait but thankfully, they both came along at the same time which was amazing cause i was able to listen to most of it and then read along when i wanted to. 

this was an okay read. i didn't hate it but i didn't love it. i wont be thinking about it hoping to read it again sometime soon. and i think it has to do with the fact that...mostly everyone else is sorta right. 
its a love story but its mostly about a set of twins who are....spoiled. who held Tom to this level of perfection that they eventually break him. 
they were both jerks. 
all of them were actually. 
not a single one of them is a saint. and i understand that no one is perfect but the way that they talk to each other. holy crap. (and on my end, that's saying a lot cause i talk a lot of shit but nowhere near the level like the twins talk to each other.) 

Darcy tries to be this bad ass woman which...really, all she really does is travel and not take care of her heart which should be her #1 priority. and Jamie is such a dick. 
he's so mean to Darcy. he's so rude to her. he swears he's better than them both. 
and Tom. 
i mean, Tom. he was a cool guy for the most part, i feel for him but he still had some dick qualities. 
that whole scene with the fireplace. 
first: he undermines Darcy and goes over her head and talks to Jamie about it. then he uses his sexuality to get Darcy to agree on actions that he already acted on just to justify them having already happened. he thought maybe she'd say no plainly so he uses himself to get her to agree because he knows how she feels about him and he uses that against her. 
AND THEN once they arrive at the house and Darcy sees what he did, all she asked him for was a warning. she wanted to say goodbye to it. its where she grew up and all he does is basically scold her for being attached to an inanimate object. and he tried to justify it by saying that he doesn't see the big deal since he never got the privilege to grow up like that which....i mean, they basically raised him and took him everywhere soo.......and honestly, fuck you for shaming someone else's attachment to whatever the fuck. just because you didn't have it doesn't mean that other's should be shamed for having it. 
i don't know. that whole scene to me was just one big Tom being a dick punk ass move. 
...other than that, he wasn't a bad guy. they just really overworked him. 

and i think its sooooo funny that Jamie wants to be sooo territorial over Tom when he's essentially doing the same thing with Darcy's best friend Truly. 

anyway...its a good read yea. 
i just don't feel.....sorry(?) for any of them. they were all unnecessary dicks. 
but its a good quick read that doesn't require too much involvement if that's what you're looking for!

either way, im glad i read it, im glad that i didn't buy it but hands down i wont be thinking about it now that this is out there. 

oh well, spoilers coming right up. 
thanks for reading!

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