The Average American Male - Chad Kultgen


Isbn: 978-0-06-123167-4
published 2007
Read: 12/2/2013


you know how you know you REEEALLLY like a book!? 
when you finish it in a day! Nay, in like 8-9 hours (246 pgs. i started at work on my 1/2 lunch so cut me some slack!)
this is coming from me, the person who took like a week and a half to finish a 38 pg short story. 
what. a. joke. haha. 

any who, i bought this book off amazon (he has the married one too!) only because his book inspired 
that one last book i read and me being a nosy person, i wanted to see what it was about (didn't hurt that it was $4 either.)
i wasn't a huge fan of her version but his book was pretty awesome!

no one really knows what goes on in a  relationship except the two people in it. 
lets face it, women make the men look like jerks to their girlfriends and guys make their women look like B's to their guy friends. 
its just the cycle of life!
what i love about his book is, it gives you insight as to what happened in their relationship and you find out tidbits of stuff she clearly didn't state!

in her book, she says they dated for 4 years, never mentioned an engagement, a fake pregnancy, and the whole dumping story was completely different. 

in his book, Chad talks about the whole engagement and how it happened even though he just wanted to get laid. how she tricked him in to crapping his pants about her being "pregnant" (and how she tried to get him to really get her pregnant). how he met Alyana and all that transpired in to the relationship he'd never knew he wanted and basically a whoooole lot of masturbating and porn.
i mean i know it happens, i just wasn't aware it happens that often. 
in a day!

its funny because while he was with "Casey" all he could think about was Alyana. 
once he manages to get Alyana (in the beginning and after she leaves) he realizes that he had settled with Casey because he wasn't aware that there was anything "better" out there and after things start winding down with Alyana (sex wise) he realizes that in a lot of ways Alyana is just like Casey and all his other ex's. (muahaha, i laughed at this!)

i really liked this book. 

there are several things that made me laugh out loud and think holy shiz!
for example, in the beginning, he goes to a book signing for Marie Osmond that they casually happen to stumble upon after Casey had begged him to go out shopping! (she knew!)
in line he's just hearing all these women's conversation about Marie and Oprah and all this nonsense. 
my favorite lines (of that chapter): 

"Cloning and stem cell research is evil because they have to murder babies to do it. ....if Oprah was sick or dying it would be worth sacrificing one child to save her though...." 
and  
"Carney Wilson wrote a courageous book about her lifelong battle with weight....it took amazing courage to have her stomach reduced to the size of a thumb."

i was laughing soooo hard!!!!

i don't want to make this a super long post but i do want to say that i recommend this book. 
i loved it and i am purchasing the marriage one so ill be back with that one.

ill just leave you with a few of my favorite chapters: 

5. Groundlings Party: when you can pretend to be someone else, do so. but only if having anal sex is on your to-do list. 

some chapter Hobo (pg 73): because if special-ed people can obtain a job, then so should the homeless. 

18. Casey's Parents: nothing says i don't want to marry you like picking up her parents and dealing with them for a weekend. 

some chapter Blood Cock (pg 91):  because if she's going to deny blowing you while she's out of service, then revenge you must get!

23. The Griddle: because when you decide this is the end, you should always do it in front of her mother. in her mom's fave restaurant! (ive been to the griddle once, its good but eeexxxpensive!)

"i do actually feel kind of bad about the whole thing but i am glad i ruined Casey's mom's favorite breakfast place in L.A. by dumping her in it."

some chapter UCLA Party (pg 130): some girls are just plain evil!

some chapter Subway Whore (pg 180): if you ride the subway in LA and you come across an old lady with a teddy bear!, get off! (unless that's yo thing!) 

40. Carlos Gay Party: because sometimes gays always have the answer you would have NEVER thought of!

41. The Test: thank you gay guy! best chapter EVER!!!

47. The End: not a fave but its more like the HAHA moment! you gave Casey all this shit and BOOM. 

also, who doesnt like big butts!? 
sir mix a lot is not proud of you sir!



like i said, i didnt love it but i definitely liked it. 
these kind of books (even though raunchy) are my kind of read!!!

let me know if you pick it up and what you think of it. 


thanks for reading! (:





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