random thoughts watching Paper Towns

-did the book really start with them finding a dead body? I don't member, i read it so long ago. But I don't think so.

-I'm a huge chicken. But watching this movie made me realize that!....you can build the courage to get into a scary place (it could be feelings....and what not but in this case im talking about a building) and then somehow manage to build up the courage to see it through.
But it's when it's time to get out that shit really hits the fan. Because you've managed to make it so far. And now you have to finish it. And that's when it's really scary. Cause that's when it can all go really wrong.

-think about the last person who broke you down. (And vice versa)
It took me 4 years to open up.  and I'm still learning.
......so, here you are trying to mend the broken pieces but you're kind of afraid to open up.
So you used to love, idolize this other person and you think that you'll never be able to do that again.
But then one day, someone walks in and makes you forget the hurt. And isn't that an amazing thing?
How one person can wash all the pain away. And better yet, help build you up as well.
(I'm referring to how Margo shuts Q down. he's madly in love with her. But then one day he'll meet someone else and she will put Margo to rest and he'll feel for her more than he knew possible. And isn't it crazy that one person can come in to your life and do that!?) (And yes I know they're fictional characters, but you we get what I'm trying to say.)

-I read this book a while ago so I'm not super sure about the specifics cause horrible memory BUT I do know I like the book ending better. I like the bitchier end of Margo in the book vs the "sweet, I'm trying to find myself" Margo in the movie.
And also, Ben in the movie was my favorite character. He was the best.

-do you remember high school and that whole we're leaving our own separate ways feeling? Gosh, how naive I was to think that that was the end. Not the end of life but I mean, you see how they portray it in movies.....but I mean like it's so final.
If I knew then what I know now, I would have welcomed it with open arms.
Life as a grown up is amazing. Hard but amazing. And it seems so aahhh at times but that moment, honestly, it's nothing compared to what you face when you move on and start the real world. And it's weird that I feel that because I feel like I have yet to do something super major to prove that I am a "grown-up". But I guess what im saying is that that ending was sweet. Because I will never have that again. I might lose friendships and idk, a lot of other things but nothing will ever compare to that. In the sense that it will never be that sweet of a finale. (I could graduate college but I'm such an introvert that I speak to as little as people as possible so I don't see an attachment/leaving never seeing you again factor there)
nothing will end that easily and peacefully for me ever again.

Basically, watch the freaking movie (I'm not saying it's great) because if this is what it has me thinking at 3 am....what's it's guna have you thinking?

Sorry about my random thoughts but thx for reading!

Ps: I will re-read the book
Pps: please excuse misspellings and grammar errors. I'm 93% asleep.

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