sometimes i lie // alice feeney

published: 2018

pages: 262

heard: 11/14-15/2019

book: 65 in 2019

SYNOPSIS

Amber wakes up in a hospital. She can’t move. She can’t speak. She can’t open her eyes. She can hear everyone around her, but they have no idea. Amber doesn’t remember what happened, but she has a suspicion her husband had something to do with it. Alternating between her paralyzed present, the week before her accident, and a series of childhood diaries from twenty years ago, this brilliant psychological thriller asks: Is something really a lie if you believe it's the truth?

MY THOUGHTS

riiiight as I was about to start this book, I saw that it's becoming a show or a series or whatever so that's promising. I can't wait to see what they do with it.

The book did what its sposed to do. I'm hoping the show can cut to the chase and do it faster.

I am now scared of my sister, I'm questioning the legitimacy of my siblings actual blood connection to me, I never want to date, and i definitely don't want to get married. (Lol!) ....I may even be rethinking my relationship with my own mother....and our relationship is great!...so far.

BUT I do feel like it took a while to make me feel all that.
The book is only 262 pages long.
I think for me it started to pick up around pg 180. That was like 70 some shit % of the book that had already passed by before it got good for me.
That's a long ass time.
....I should note that I got through this as an audio book and read along at some points.
maybe I would've liked it more had I just read it?
I dunno. I found myself zoning out in some parts.

I think I wasn't a huge ass fan of it because it remind me of 1) My Husbands Wife with the whole kid aspect and the chapters in the kids voice & of 2) Bring Me Back because of the whole......identity sibling kinda thing.
I hated MHW because it was too long and gave you very little in the end for all the work it required and the whole kid plot/chapters were just 😫😒😩😶 and I didn't care as much for BMB because it told the story better and complete in 1 chapter explaining the entire plot and reasoning for home girls actions than it did (read: tried to) in the whole entirety of the book. Legit, it should've just been a novella or whatever. It had a lot more promise and could've been way better had it been executed properly. (Sorry for going off the rails but, I feel very strongly about all of this and the comparisons between the books)
...ya know what also? This is what Eleanor Oliphant is completely fine would have become had home girl gone to the dark side instead of finding IT guy and her happiness or whatever.

ANYWAY!,

I also think wasn't a huge fan because the build up was way too long. And to be honest, I hated the fucking "before" chapters but I can see why they were needed.

Side note: the story is told in 3 time lines:
1. Then
2. Now
3. Before
I won't say anything else about the time lines because it could be a bit spoilery

B U T

*sing songy* buuuuuuuuut 
once the twists start unraveling, *tun, tun, tuuuuuuun boy does it get goooood!

Like always, I cheated and found out 2 out of the many spoilers but woah! Even knowing I was still like woah.

Now, I'm saying I liked them (the twists) and they did pull some emotions out of me but even then, even after the high of finally getting there, this was still just an okay read for me.
The end result was great! But it doesn't warrant the leg work it took to get there.

At least, NOT FOR ME.

And that ending!, it's not open ended-ish buuuuuut well, WTF ya know? 

I'm choosing to believe homeboy is fucking with her and honestly, I fucking hope he is.
ahhhhhh!!!!!!

I'm still excited for the tv show (that tbh I probably wont even remember to watch) and I'm hoping they condense a small page count book with a long journey that took some work to get into, into something that delivers sooner with a bigger punch.

also I'm wondering, is SMG going to play Claire?

anyway jump over for quick spoilers cause for a small book, there is a lot! (these might be my fave spoilers ever because LOL!) thanks for reading! #bookslesreads on IG S P O I L E R S ! ! ! ! leaving some space here just for dramatic effect.

first off the chapters are: 

then, now, and before. 

then is Amber leading up to the now. 

now is amber currently in the coma and well, after she wakes up. 

before is the diary of a child. up until the reveal, you are led to believe that the diary is from Amber because she's really the only point of view we get. turns out its actually Claire. she was the one with the shitty child hood. 

C L A I R E 
-she burned down her grandmother's home. with her parents in it. because her parents were drunks and never paid attention to her.
by killing her parents, she was able to get "adopted" by Amber's parents. 

-caused her mother to have a miscarriage. 

-is the goddaughter of Madeline...who is Amber's "boss". you later learn that Claire was the one that told Amber about the job and the whole purpose of Amber getting that job was to get Mads fired. why? because even though Claire was the one that burned her parents alive in that house, it was ultimately Madeline that left her without money or home and in the hands of what would have been the foster care system. Mads gave no fucks that it should have all technically gone to Claire and left her to fend for herself. 

-caused Edward to lose his job or scholarship because she wrote letters to his job or school detailing several sexual harassment's. you later learn that the very last letter she sent was "signed" by amber. (Edward is Amber's ex who was a crazy stalker. he was a stalker when she dumped him. im choosing to assume that he returned because of the last signed letter. obvs he wanted revenge.) 

-she is the one that ends up frying Edward alive in his tanning bed. its not confirmed but you know. 

-she is the one that put Amber in a coma. she is the one who cause the car accident that put Amber in a coma. why? 1) bc Amber was pregnant and Claire does not share Amber with no one. Paul just happened to get lucky (Paul is Amber's husband) 2) Paul had just gotten a book deal that got picked up for a show or movie and there was travel involved in the US. Amber doesn't leave Claire's side. 

-ends up being killed by Amber.....or does she? 

A M B E R 
-fucked up and befriended Claire. 

-is actually Taylor in the story. (in the diary chapters, she is referred as Taylor. that was her last name. Claire hated calling her Amber cause she said it was an ugly name). 

-gets Madeline fired by falsifying sorta threatening letters. icing on the cake? Mads was the ambassador for some kids need to be adopted type of charity and she's doing an interview. she does the interview, thinks its over and starts talking shit about how abortions should be legal because kids are a mistake and stupid sluts are so fucking stupid that they dont know how to not procreate. 
.....the mic was not off. everyone heard her rant. all over the internet, twitter, myspace, outerspace all sorts of space..s..lol

-kills Claire because Claire is well, fucking crazy but i like to think it has to do with the fact that Claire has everything and the perfect life. and amber never really could have the perfect life because Claire wouldn't let her. she was finally pregnant and then Claire went and caused her to lose the baby. i think that caused her to finally snap. 
how does she kill her? 

WELL.....

it turns out that Edward had been working towards revenge for years on "Amber".  having caused him to lose the possibility to become a doctor made him delusional. more than he already was i have to assume. 
so he got involved as an i forgot what and worked his way up until he landed in that hospital where Amber is in a coma. he knew where she was at and it was confirmed when Claire had been there years before having had given birth to her twins. Amber walked right by him and didn't even recognize him and that pissed him off even more. 

so anyway, Amber is in a coma. in that very same hospital. 
she should have woken up a long time ago. 
except that, as revenge, Edward is keeping her asleep with who knows what. (this is where i was thinking, where the fuck is her doctor and why aren't they running any tests that can possibly catch this? but then again i know nothing in the medical field so idk if that even is traceable).
she eventually figures out that its him that's keeping her asleep. hes keeping her asleep while he's hoping that the cops will arrest her husband. so they can finally be together. 

because i was zoning out, i missed the part where she finally comes around. 

anyway, on New Years eve, Paul leaves her and places a hidden camera in her room. not to catch Edward because he doesn't even know but just solely so that if she moves or wakes up or whatever, he can catch it and run to the hospital. 

that very same night, Edward comes in. she plays like she's still in a coma and long story short, he rapes her.  (HONESTLY,  i zoned out in this part. im not sure why he's recording her. maybe to catch her? wasnt she already out of her coma? was she then just pretending? idk, im lost here)
he tells her how she fucked him over and ruined his life and how they are meant to be together but she is too stupid to see it. 
when he finally leaves, she tries her hardest to alert someone. she pulls the alarm and then passes out. 

she comes around to and Claire is there apologizing telling her she's sorry for not listening to her. 
Claire now knows that Amber was trying to warn her of Edward and by "warn" i mean take care of this crazy mother fucker for me. 

so anyway, i guess Claire did because when they found him in his home they just find melted skin on his suntan bed. yuck. 

so time has passed and i guess Amber and Paul are taking care of the twins while Claire and her husband Dave are having a date night. 
she made them some dish for them to have for dinner. 

at 4 am she wakes up, takes her dog on a walk and lets herself into Claire's house. 
she goes into their room and sees that Dave is basically dead and that Claire is awake but she cant move. she sets their home on fire. 
amber legit blazed up own "sister". 
but prior to setting her on fire.....she played a recording of the kids crying. so Claire dies thinking her kids are dying too i guess. 
(amber got some of that liquid shit that Edward used on her to paralyze them. she added that shit to their dinner). 

oh! and it doesn't stop there. 
she planned all this to look like it was Madeline who did all this. 
she bought the gas with her card. she wont be on camera but its on her credit card showing the purchase. 
she planted the empty cases back in Mad's garage. 
and there was something about a letter from Claire to Madeline or from Madeline to Claire idk, but Amber had perfected her signature and writing so there's that. 
Amber was never Madeline's coworker on the radio show. she was just her assistant. you learn that basically Amber is unhinged. she starts off saying that she's a co-host on the show with her and it ends up being that she was just an assistant. 

so now Claire is dead, Amber & Paul have custody of the kids and they are on vacation who knows where. Amber finally gets the kids that she wanted. 
in the beginning, she makes it seem like Paul hated her because she couldn't give him kids but it turns out that Paul probably never even wanted kids. 

anyway, Paul orders them wine and it arrives while she is in the shower. 
she gets out, they sit out on the porch and they get ready to dive into the room service. 
the lid gets lifted up and she notices the bracelet. 

when Amber was born, her mother gave her a bracelet with her birthday and i forgot what else. when they were kids, Claire found it and stole it. in the hospital, Claire brought it for her to see it or something like that but she ended up taking it back. 
so Amber has no idea where the bracelet is at. 

yet, here she is on vacation. Claire is dead, Edward is Dead....how did it get there? 

(i hope it was somehow all Paul!) 

and that's its. 
i probably left out a lot and what not but yea. once the twists start unraveling, that's when it gets good.