if, then // kate hope day

published: 2019

pages: 256

heard/read: 4/16-23/2019

rating: ...huh.

book: 34 in 2019

SYNOPSIS

In the quiet haven of Clearing, Oregon, four neighbors find their lives upended when they begin to see themselves in parallel realities. Ginny, a devoted surgeon whose work often takes precedence over her family, has a baffling vision of a beautiful co-worker in Ginny’s own bed and begins to doubt the solidity of her marriage. Ginny’s husband, Mark, a wildlife scientist, sees a vision that suggests impending devastation and grows increasingly paranoid, threatening the safety of his wife and son. Samara, a young woman desperately mourning the recent death of her mother and questioning why her father seems to be coping with such ease, witnesses an apparition of her mother healthy and vibrant and wonders about the secrets her parents may have kept from her. Cass, a brilliant scholar struggling with the demands of new motherhood, catches a glimpse of herself pregnant again, just as she’s on the brink of returning to the project that could define her career.

At first the visions are relatively benign, but they grow increasingly disturbing—and, in some cases, frightening. When a natural disaster threatens Clearing, it becomes obvious that the visions were not what they first seemed and that the town will never be the same.

MY THOUGHTS

SHORT VERSION

huh.

kinda like when you scratch your chin and you're like "okay, i see it." and also like when you scratch your head and you're all "what in the fuck?"

LONG VERSION

you know when you read a book and you're like "yes BUT maybe a little less"?

when i read DARK MATTER (never did a post because i was over it during this period) my first thought after finishing it was "yes. but maybe less Jason's."

the universe listens y'all cause same subject and only 1 other set.

now, universe, if you want to listen to me again because i know you're busy being you and universalizing the world! (did i use that right? is that a legit word?), "yes. just like this. only please let it make enough sense that i rave about it because i loved it so much."

thanks!

you the best! *winky face*

if you read The Dreamers, or Dark Matter or eeeeeven Station 11 (not sure why this book gives me S11 vibes) and you liked them, then you'll like this one too.

if you're like me and are apparently all about being a glutton for punishment, well then, you might not. and depending on how much more similar we are, you'll either let it go or force yourself to drop it. (i wanted to drop it. the only reason i pushed it was because i wanted to take a picture of that damn cover just to be able to say I DID IT! I READ THE DAMN THING! which i guess is only a feat if ya didn't like the book but stuck it out anyway. ..which is really not. there are TOO many books out there to stick it out just to prove a point...I'm off topic! sorry!)

its not that i don't like it.

its just that what the fuck did i just read?

this book is only 256 pages.

256

pages.

i don't want to be that bitch but i can read 256 pages in one sitting and this took me like 13 days....granted there were several days that i didn't pick it up. (wait. my math is off. it was only 8 days...but it still felt like 13).

its not that its a bad book because its not.

its just that, just like The Dreamers, this is about things and it has potential and then...it just ends.

there is closure-ish to all the characters but like, what was the whole point of 2 sets for Cass & Mark & Ginny? in the end, didn't they get what they "wanted"? and well, what!?

the sets cross so now, i don't even know who, what, when, where or why or whatever is real. who was the "real" set? am i real? are you real?

what!?
how did she mix 1 fake with a bunch of reals and what happened to the 1 fake that was with the reals after everything settled?

to me as the reader, my take away is that the real ones were: Cass with Leah because she was connected to Rob who was her teacher. who was then connected to Samara who was then connected to Ginny because of her mother and Ginny was well, always real because she was dealing with her marriage with Mark and then her feelings with Edith.

why was there another Cass? to prove her and Rob's theory?

why did the other Cass get to go in to the shelter with the rest of the gang vs the "real" Cass? and how did no one question that "hey, Cass already had a daughter. how is this home girl pregnant and having a boy? where da real one at!?" and when all that shit went down....where was Cass and Leah? did she survive simply because her house was in a sort of "safe zone"?

was Cass a lie!?

because she had Samara's parents help with Leah and house stuff. and well, Ashmina is well, dead. and Cass was the only one that saw her aside from Samara but that's a whole ass other thing.

was this all Cass being in another universe and....ahhhh!!!!!!

i don't know.

i don't think a book is supposed to leave you with this many questions....i have more floating around but what's the point? I'm not going to get answers.

admittedly, there were times where i was reading to read and i wasn't really into what i was reading so there is a lot that i could have not grasped because i wasn't fully committed but overall I'm not a fan of this book because it left too many open questions and honestly, I'm not sure if i even know what i read.

and to be completely honest, at about page 100 i wanted to give up. but then i was at page 152 and i was like well there's only 104 pages left.

overall, everyone in this story ultimately gets what they wanted. what they "if, then" themselves.

i think the only punk in this story is Ginny cause she finally gets what she wants and she's still "omg, what if." about it.

this book should have been called what if instead.

whatever.

don't hate that i read it (because its a library boook! had i bought it, i'da been pissed)

will i think about it in the future? i can honestly say no.

will i re-read this? nope.

i could have done without this book.

and honestly, i can do without whatever genre this is.

I've come to realize that i hate books that have all this build just to end like....nothing.

what was the point of all of that?

all of this!

all for THE TOE!? (theory of everything book that Cass was working on)

OH! and Samara!

girl, you trippin'. that secret was not that big a deal.

and honestly,

THEY

ARE

YOUR

PARENTS

they don't owe you any type of explanation. in any aspect of their lives.

consult you? maybe. but das about it.

and ya know what else:

i would have liked this book if it turned out to be that Cass had some sort of mental thing and she had made this all up in her head and none of this story was even remotely real.

anyway, spoilers up next.

thanks for reading!

#lesreads on IG

SPOILERS

by characters because i couldn't even if i tried

SAMARA

she hates Ginny because Ginny was the surgeon who operated on her mother....and then passed away.

she doesn't know what to do with her life.

she comes back down and is bothered by how "easily" her father is grieving. she is set to sell the Kells old place so she goes to clean it and gets super into it. she's been in that house before when it was full of life so its pretty familiar to her.

she shows this couple around and they want to buy it just to tear it all down and make it a basic house and she cant stand it. so when she goes to Mr. Kell's hospital room to give them the offer, she takes out another form and buys it herself offering 5k more than the people in the paperwork that she should have turned in. (is that even legal? like as a real estate agent?)

she gets the house, she moves in after they fix it (her and her childhood dude that she's a total bitch too) and then she places her mothers pitcher somewhere in the house. (her father cleared out her mothers things and gave it all to goodwill and that's the only thing Samara ended up buying back).

she saw her mother in the front yard of who knows where so she's all wtf.

she sees her one more time when she's going back inside the house after having finally talked to Ginny.

she goes in through the back and sees her parents and her mother gives her shit for showing up late if at all when she could have shown up earlier and helped them packed.

she ends up hugging her mom and the parents take off.

the secret?

her mother bought a house in Costa Rica and they were going to move over there once idk wtf happened.

the house was only in her mothers name because of some tax thing and the only reason that Samara finds out is because the real estate agent called her and told her without even thinking about it.

in the end, her dad ends up leaving to Costa Rica to honor his wife and they sell their home.

CASS

Cass was a student with Robert Kell.

he wrote this amazing book about multiple universes but his wife passed away, he became an alcoholic and never wrote again. Cass essentially took his book and made it better. erm, well was going to. but then she got pregnant and left school which he did not like.

her mans left on an expedition and so she's been raising Leah all on her own.

in one world, she's barely hanging on and goes to his office and then finds her paperwork and then gets that fire lit under her ass again and in the other world same but now she has Samara's parents help. they watch Leah while she goes to write and she gets pretty close to being even better than Rob.

she sees other Cass here an there other Cass is pregnant.

the last time she sees her, she is getting out of the shower with Leah when all of a sudden OC passes by her, going down the stairs and basically going into labor.

and in the end, it ends with her in bed with her husband and Leah and everything being alright.

who knows what happened to her when the whole accident happened.

GINNY & MARK

Ginny is a surgeon and mark is a scientist of some sort.

first off: GINNY.

Ginny sees other self hooking up with Edith and she likes it.

in real life they do hook up.

shes not really there for her husband Mark or Noah cause she's always working or catching up on sleep.

in the end, she ends up stepping down from her position, she does leave Mark and she does end up with Edith. (and Mark doesn't go crazy on them)

and even though she was worried about how everything would work out and even though it works out in her favor she's still iffy about it.

MARK

he sees another mark and he freaks out because that other mark is very disheveled.

he set this collar thing on some frogs in a pond to track animal migration.

they live by this dormant volcano but he can swear something bad is about to happen.

so the "real" mark starts getting paranoid about protecting his wife and kid that he builds this shelter thing.

and because Ginny is basically absent, she doesn't really stop him or say anything until its too late.

everyone thinks he's crazy but in the end he ends up being right.

one minute he is with Noah building the shelter and needs to lower a beam. he sees other mark and then ends up fucking up his own son.

they go to the hospital, gets him in and leaves to go find other mark.

he finds him, they fight, he ends up getting clonked in the head with a rock and eventually Cass finds him and takes him back to the hospital.

then a few days after, he hears this beep and he realizes that all the collared frogs have left, he rushes everyone into the shelter (Ginny and Edith were already in there talking about their whatever the fuck).

he manages to get Samara and her Father, his kid & Livi (Noah's friend), and other pregnant Cass in.

once Mark gets them in, Cass goes into labor, the volcano explodes, they travel thru time, Cass has the baby. and

ONE

QUESTIONS

WHY

CASS

HAVING

BABY

WHEN

CASS

ALREADY

HAD