published: 2016
pages: 415
heard/read: 1/14-17/2020
book: 4 in 2020

SYNOPSIS
its long af. follow the link. or google it. 

MY THOUGHTS
P H E W.
and I mean that in about 100 different ways.

get ready (or skip it) cause this one gon' be looong.

I don't even know where to begin with this one.
If I said I meant what I said about Mr Burns when I read The Wives, well that was nothing compared to this book. I made so many side notes all over this book because
I. Just. Couldn't. Deal!!!

So first off, Beartown is a hockey town.
WHO ARE WE!? (they yell)
you're the fucking town that's built on hockey where all of your residents suck ass to the max because W O W.
you'd rather turn a blind eye to the truth than believe the horrible truth even when faced with the facts all to protect your precious little.....i don't even know how to end that. 

I assumed the book was going to be just about hockey and while 97.6% of the book is,
I HAD NO FUCKING IDEA THAT IT ALSO INVOLVED RAPE!
(sorry for that spoiler but I feel it's not even a spoiler at this point. it's more of a trigger warning.)
I guess the last paragraph of the synopsis kinda hints at it. but this book is everywhere (as in like everyone and their mother has read it) so I just took it for face value that it was JUST about hockey because no one that i came across mentioned that it involved rape. 
I guess that's my bad there.
anyway, I looked for spoilers and couldn't find any (!!!!!!) so I let it go. then I was "cooking"* one night and i was all "let me skip around!!!!" and omg!

It starts off with hockey and this whole hoopla about the junior team NEEDING to win in order to basically bring life back into the town or it'll go to shit and everyone will leave and Beartown will die.
don't worry darling little 16 year old teens; the survival of your hometown is only dependent of you guys and your win.
NO
BIG
DEAL
U G H!!!!!
and then the game is about to happen.
and then it does happen.
and you still have a hefty chunk of pages left so you're all what's gunna happen now?
and then it fucking happens.
someone gets raped.
(I'm not naming who was raped and who was the piece of shit rapist because I don't want to spoil it here.)
and from there its just, well, everyone in Beartown is just horrible.
this is the worst little town i have ever had the displeasure of fictionally visiting. 

If you haven't read this, I guess my warning for you would be to make sure that you're in the right state of mind to read this. after my last read which left me a bit heart broken and anxious, I was looking for something light.
this was not it.

for some reason i own a lot of Backman's books which is odd because besides his short story, I've never read any of his work (tbh, its probably because his covers are so catchy) but my library audio hold came in so I was like okay!, let's do this.

AND THAT BEGINNING!!!!
literally the first page!
omg!
I was like hell yes! (obvs before i knew)
.....then you're introduced to a shit load of characters.
and the story starts.
and all of the hockey!!!!
AHHH!!!!

and look, the story, I mean, it's not bad.
I didn't hate it but I was frustrated a lot of time and I wanted to just yell at all of them that for as much "Beartown" pride they had, they were all bullshit (minus a few) because as soon as shit hit the fan and against their favor, they were out.

And this gang of black jackets (I forgot what they're called. oh, The Pack)....they keep going on and on about trust and how they don't know who they can and cannot trust and how its something hard to just hand out (and I get it cause they've gotten the shit end of the stick) BUT OMG!!!! They legit witness the bribery, they witnessed the kid standing up for himself and taking the beating of a lifetime after he stood up to the entire town and spoke the truth instead of running away AND THEY STILL DON'T KNOW IF THEY CANT TRUST HIM!!????? at some point you gotta realize that the embodiment of trust is staring you right in the face and you need to let your guard down a little. 
Eeeerrrrrmahgod!!!!

You know what it is?
All of the adults in this damn story have no fucking spine, no gumption. they pressure the kids to pull the town forward no matter the strain on the child, they face the other way when the truth doesn't align with their wants, they don't stand up for shit, they legit see kids beating ass and they're all "okay cool. Not gunna deal with this". 
they just sucked (not all but mostly)

The story itself for me, I couldn't wait to be over with it. I even considered DNF'ing it because I knew the who, what, where not the why so much but its never really answered anyway so it wouldn't have mattered.
Ugh. I'm over it
I'm a bit mad that there's a book 2 because of course I'm going to read it. but whatever.

ALL OF THAT BEING SAID,
Yes, the story frustrated me BUT that was all just about the story.
The writing itself, 😍
Boy does this man have a way with words.
the way this was written, the way this was told, the way you get the present but also bits of the future! I loooooved that! I thought that was so well done.
I absolutely cannot say enough about his style of writing. I loved EVERYTHING about this book in that aspect. I can see why everyone loves his work.
so the writing was a win for me. 

Overall, it was a free book (I think i got it from the hotel I was staying at in Cancun) so I'm not mad at it. I guess it does a good job of evoking emotions from you, which it does!!, and isn't that the point of stories? it's just for me, it wasn't without frustration. 
especially Maggan. 
UGH I HATED HER!!!!!
I've never hated a character as much as i hate her. 

anyway, I loved the writing.
It was just how shitty everyone in Beartown was that irritated me.

Bleh.

Also, beware, there's a shit load of characters. You learn em eventually but I took hella notes in regards to the people and what they did or whatever because woah!

Anyway, *gasps for air* yea,....
Jump over for sorta spoilers
thanks for reading!
*I was just making veggies. 

published: 2020
pages: 319
read: 1/15-16/2020
book: 3 in 2020

SYNOPSIS
Unrequited crush? I’ve been there. Done that. Over it.

Ian Chambers is a responsible, intelligent lawyer. But I’ve known Ian for nine years and I can tell you that responsibility does not equal likability. Ian’s also an egotistical, teasing, blue-eyed, accidentally make-you-fall-for-him kind of man. And I want nothing to do with it, thank you very much.

When he quit Treasuries Inc. eight months ago, I thought I was finally rid of him. But when I’m invited to a destination wedding as a bridesmaid and he’s the best man in every sense of the word, it’s not as easy to pretend he doesn’t exist. And this week, he’s dead-set on getting my attention just as he’s tried to for almost a decade.

If he looks at me with that cocky grin and those piercing eyes one more time, I might lose control. You could say that’s a good thing. But you would be wrong.

Ian Chambers can flirt with me as much as he wants, but I refuse to fall for his tricks…


MY THOUGHTS
ahhh!!!
yes book 2!

after the first book i could not wait to jump back in and see the story behind Ian and Nia and boy did J.O deliver! 

in the first book Nia came off as a little bit of a hard ass on Ian but of course, since it wasnt their story, we didn't get much of a background. in this book, since its all about them we get to dive deeper into their background and i liked it a lot!
especially because Nia was nothing like i thought she would have been. to see her as such a hard ass (and i mean that in the best way possible!) in the first book only to realize that she's just as big a softy as ever!, i loved that! and i don't know why but i for some reason pictured her with jet black hair so to see her with white blond her was an even better surprise (for some reason, i picture her a bit like Kate Winslet knowing that now).....but anyway....

i also really liked that while the story is about Ian & Nia, its centered around Grace & Cams wedding so we still get to see them too! 
and i absolutely loved the extras that were in the book! the goat! ha! that guy was a fun time and i have to say, my favorite part of this story had to have been the dude's bachelor party. by far fave scene! <3

It happens for Nia and Ian but not without some hiccups but this story! i liked it so much and if you have been here a while, you know that i strongly dislike stories that just go on and on. 
but J.O does it so good!!! she doesnt forget about the characters before and i loved how she incorporated them here. 
in this case, i cannot wait for book 3! even more so because i really don't know where its going to go. 

thanks J for an ARC! 
this book goes on sale on Thursday! (1/30/2020). its only $2.99 (it looks like its $.99 RN!) or free if you have kindle unlimited! pick it up! pick the first one up! and keep an eye of for Julie! i cannot want to see what she has in store next!!!!


thanks for reading!

PS: no spoilers because i want to re-read this but also because i dont want to leak them before its release. i should also note that yes i did receive an ARC but these are all my opinions!!!!! i was not even asked to do a review. BUT GO CHECK IT OUT!!!!!
published: 2019
pages: 322
read: 1/9-12/2020
book: 2 in 2020


it struck her then that the two of them were crouched between a church and a police station - two places of confession - and that for whatever reasons, they'd chosen each other instead. 
pg 40

SYNOPSIS
Best friends are forged by fire. For Winona Olsen and Lucille Pryce, that fire happened the night they met outside the police station—both deciding whether to turn their families in.

Winona has been starving for life in the seemingly perfect home that she shares with her seemingly perfect father, celebrity weatherman Stormy Olsen. No one knows that he locks the pantry door to control her eating and leaves bruises where no one can see them.

Lucille has been suffocating beneath the needs of her mother and her drug-dealing brother, wondering if there’s more out there for her than disappearing waitress tips and generations of barely getting by.

One harrowing night, Winona and Lucille realize they can’t wait until graduation to start their new lives. They need out. Now. All they need is three grand, fast. And really, a stolen convertible to take them from Michigan to Las Vegas can’t hurt.


MY THOUGHTS
I guess I'm better at writing my thoughts out on the notes app on my phone than vs on the computer because I was just looking back at what I wrote and I wasn't super happy with it so I had to have a do over.

let's make this as easy and quick as possible.
(that's what she said)

S O

I knew of this book since its release because I LOVE EH but if I'm being honest nothing about it called me to read it asap. and it wasn't until I got a b&n gift card that I was looking to use that it finally called my name.

A N D

overall, I liked it.
I think.
I don't know.
I know I don't hate it, I'm okay having read it and I'm not even mad I spent money on this book.
but if I'm being honest, this was a bit of a heavy read and looking back on it now, it just all seems implausible. like too many things seem a bit far fetched which i dont even care about but its been a few days and i still have questions that ill never get answers to. 

how? what questions? 
well, it states above how Win & her dad don't really get along. but its not til you're in it that you learn just how dark and fucked up to her her dad actually is. those scenes were hard for me to get through and honestly this book made my heart hurt.
it made me anxious and there are parts where I just glossed over the pages. I read what they said I just didn't let them sink in.
(and yes, I am very aware that there are way more emotionally heavier books out there but if you've followed me a while, you can clearly see i either read cute, fluffy shit or mystery thriller. nothing heavy. this was out of my reading norm.)

I was sad that Win was so broken as a person because of her dad. and I don't just mean the physical but more the emotional abuse. like she wasn't even a person. ....there's another piece to that puzzle but i wont spoil it here. I just felt for her.

then there's Luce. 
and she broke me even more because here she was giving her everything to her mother and brother and her brother was a piece of shit and her mother instead of appreciating her, just fucked her over even more.
why is it that her mother favored her brother Marcus who did nothing over her who worked her ass off to provide as much as she could to keep them all going? 
is it because maybe on the side Marcus was giving her money? and as a drug dealer wouldn't he obvs be able to give her more? because their father left when Luce was born and she blames her for it? I don't recall if they are siblings with the same parents but I don't remember otherwise.
i would have just like to have known where that stems from.

I don't know.

but I gotta admit, i did like the relationship between Win & Luce. it left me wanting a best friend so deeply. and even if at points they weren't being honest with each other, I still liked their bond. they manage to be there for each other when they need it and they don't judge.

i loved the friendship aspect of this story.

THAT BEING SAID....

this book to me is not without its flaws. at least personally for me.
yes the point of the story is for the girls to get out of town asap BUT I feel like this story left a lot of questions.
so sorry if there are some spoilers but:

- why was Wins grandpa insisting that his daughter was alive? who was sending him letters?

-why was he out in the rain when he calls Win?

-what ends up happening to the man? and how can Win just leave him like that under the care of her father?

-at the end of it all, why didn't Win demand more? money, a home, anything, EVERYTHING! (....maybe because that wasn't he point of the story, Les!)

-candy man really going to get played like that? No back up? was he really that arrogant?

-maybe not as important but what happened to Silas after all that went down? 

-other home girl (don't want to spoil here)....really gave up her inheritance just like that!? just fuck it and left? really? she gave her own up to go gobble up someone else's?

-and really? really!???? Britney 2007!? Why they gotta do my girl like that?...im not talking about Britney.

and of course, now that I'm typing this out I cant for the life of me remember the legit questions I had so....whatever, there's these for now.

OVERALL, it was a good read but I don't think I'll ever forget how anxious this book made me feel. How it made my heart hurt and how I made myself stay up to finish this read at 1 am because i did not want to wake up to continue reading this.

i also think that while the overall message about these two women sticking together no matter what is good, for me i think this was just an okay book. 

too many open ended questions. 
I've come to learn that ill accept anything that is told to me in a story as long as its wrapped up by the end and well, I'm not sure with this one. 

honestly, my fave character of this entire story was Chaxton...the few times he came out. well, the one scene anyway. 
dude was highlarious.

anyway, jump over for spoilers.
thanks for reading!
published: 2019
pages: 320
read: 1/5-7/2020
book: 1 in 2020


It's strange how perception is altered by bitterness (pg 75)

SYNOPSIS
Thursday’s husband, Seth, has two other wives. She’s never met them, and she doesn’t know anything about them. She agreed to this unusual arrangement because she’s so crazy about him.
But one day, she finds something. Something that tells a very different—and horrifying—story about the man she married.
What follows is one of the most twisted, shocking thrillers you’ll ever read.
You’ll have to grab a copy to find out why.

MY THOUGHTS
I don't even know where to start.
so many thoughts rushing to my head.

have you ever seen The Simpson's episode where the doctor tells Burns that he basically has all of the diseases but since they're all wedged at the door trying to get out but can't, hes sorta fine?
....yes. those are my thoughts about this book. 
and I mean that in the best way possible.

1. my inner inner instincts must have know wtf was up with this book because I signed up for BOTM to get this book early. I swore up and down and all around that I WOULD NEVER sign up for BOTM (I hate that they fuck up the covers with their logo) and yet, here I am; a new member tryina do 12 months so i can get a free tote and a bday book.
all. because. of. this. book.
no regrets.

2. I could've waited for this til its release day. I guess with BOTM you get books prior to their actual release? (I mean, I guess that makes sense) I could've waited because I only got this a few days earlier than its release date (12/30/19) and once i had it!, i decided I wanted to wait until 2020 to read this. I wanted this to be my first book of the new year! the new decade! I must have known.
I just wanted to start 2020 with a banger and boy, did it deliver.

3. I did not look up spoilers.
If you've known me a while, you know I LOVE spoilers. I look them up as soon as I can. I look for as much info as I can gather.
this one? nooooo.
i follow a blog where home girl does spoilers and she did one on this book and i said no. she's usually always the one i go to, to look for spoilers! but this time I said no.
....and as i went to hit read on her post so I wouldn't see it, I accidentally saw a spoiler and i was all 😟😢 but I did not let that stop me.
I didn't read any further. and when her spoiler was coming to fruition in the story, I was still taken aback. because that little spoiler was just a little loose thread in an already messed up sweater that was coming undone.

W O W

I LOVED THIS BOOK

I had no idea what to expect.
at all.
just when I started thinking the story would go one way, the story veered another.
and then when I got on that story line, guess what!?
nope.

I cant really say much without making this a bit spoilery but I will say this: maybe its JUST me but this book made me realize that books can give it all up to you upfront, and you'll still somehow miss it.
you're probably trying to solve it when it's facing you right in the face.
this book just tripped me out because once it started revealing its main deal all I kept thinking about was "woah! how did I miss that?!" or "how did I not notice that?!" how did I not take its face value to heart!? 

iduno. shit got pretty deep real quick.

I just liked all the twist and turns. and besides that one accidental spoiler, I had no idea what to expect.
and days later I'm still really liking this read.

and the final result! the way it all tied up!!!!!
THAT ending! ooooohhhh ho.ney.child!
THIS is how you wrap up a story.
it ends a bit open ended-ish....I'm choosing to believe history is repeating itself. Thursday knew what she was doing. 
they both did.
i think Monday was the only really innocent party in this entire story. 

🥴
🤡

I hope 2020 has more of these kind of reads because woah!

jump on over for spoilers. 
thanks for reading!

 (2015 / 2016 / 2017 / 2018

2019 READS

71 books in 1 year! 
this is the most i have ever read in any given year since i started tracking on goodreads.
(it says 72 on top because i was going to start another amazon series but then i heard the first 2 and i was like fuuuuuuck no and so i deleted them from my read stack because id rather number down than go down as having read them!

what happened!? 
...well, i read  2 different sets of stupid amazon short stories and they come in groups of idk how many so there's that and i finally started doing audiobooks! (they fucking count!)
i used and abused my library. 
i read my books, ebooks, arc's.....
i read a little bit of everything. 
i read whenever i could. 
i read wherever i could.
i read however i could.
sometimes i lost sleep for more pages.  
1 day i self cared, called out and stayed home to read. (but not really. i had the day off if i wanted it lol. i never call out!) 
mostly, i just read whatever whenever. 

2019 as a year blew (personally because i broke my toe lmaoooo) but reading wise, it was the best! 

there were so many good books that i read in 2019 just as there were some that sucked. 
i cant really do a review like years before because THERE ARE 71 so ill do a bit of a break down and categorize them from ❤ to 💩

UGH! WHY DID I READ YOU!??? 
my husbands wife
two henrys
the thirdman
watch me disappear
fairer sex - fuck this entire series. especially eleanor. 
99% mine - they're still the most horrible ever. 
my favorite half night stand

MEH
the proposal - same shit different people and even then.....they're not different
more than words
make me bad
bring me back
if then
i might regret this - not bad but maybe do as an audiobook
the cheerleaders - especially even more so because it was based off a real story
cashed out - too much legal talk that left me all whaaat?
the deal of a lifetime
the bride test
someone we know - not the best shari book IMO.
why my cat is more impressive than your baby
the girl with a clock for a heart
recursion
twice in a blue moon
we are okay
the wedding party - same shit. 

OKAY READS 
still me - glad this series is over
the dreamers - would have been okay never having read this
the color of lies 
the naked truth
opposite of always - 100% would have been okay NEVER having read this
meet cute - i was pleasantly surprised by this read but its still eh, when i think about it now 
sometimes i lie - when it all comes out, ITS SO GOOD! but it's still too much work for me.

SO GOOD!
a stranger in the house - LOVED THIS ONE! 
identity thief - i could not believe this story!
black sheep - it made my heart happy


📚📚📚📚📚

phew!

in 2020, i just wanna keep reading whatever i feel like readin'.
i set a goal of 32 on goodreads because i can do 32 if i want to and its not TOO much. 
if i beat it, hey! and if i don't, guess what!? i can go and change the amount to the number that i DID read and still call it a win because all that matters is that i motherfreakin' read!

there are soooo many books coming out this year and i cannot wait! 
Dean Koontz has one, i won an ARC of Oona Out Of Order, Julie Buxbaum has one, Karen McManus just released one, there are like 100 more..... i cannot waaaaaiiiittt!!!!

i started a separate ig, books les reads, because well honestly, i needed a break from mine and all the dumb shit i follow but also because i wanted somewhere to have all of my books together....continuously. iduno. i also just wanted to mostly follow all other book lovers.

i cannot wait to see what 2020 has in store. 
i just finished the first one of the year and it was so goood! 

here's to hopin' 2020 brings y'all good reads too! 

Thanks for reading!
published: 2015
pages: 306
read: 12/18-28/2019
book: 71 in 2019

SYNOPSIS
Seventeen-year-old RJ always gets what she wants. So when her soul is accidentally collected by a distracted Grim Reaper, somebody in the afterlife better figure out a way to send her back from the dead or heads will roll.

But in her quest for mortality, she becomes a pawn in a power struggle between an overzealous archangel and Death Himself. The tribunal presents her with two options: she can remain in the lobby, where souls wait to be processed, until her original lifeline expires, or she can replay three moments in her life in an effort to make choices that will result in a future deemed worthy of being saved. It sounds like a no-brainer. She’ll take a walk down memory lane. How hard can changing her future be?

But with each changing moment, RJ’s life begins to unravel, until this self-proclaimed queen bee is a social pariah. Is walking among the living worth it if she has to spend the next sixty years as an outcast?


MY THOUGHTS

aaahhh!!! 
LOVED THIS BOOK! 

broken record alert!: i had actually wanted to read this since it first came out but like always, i forgot. and then i got an email for the ebook deals and it was there and i read the synopsis and i was like hmmm... this sounds cool. so i looked it up on goodreads and what do you know? it was on my tbr list. lol. 
so i got it from my library. 


loved 
this 
book. 

i was not expecting any of what this book gave me. (but isnt that what i always say?)
at first, i was irritated with RJ and i wanted to strangle her for being such a stuck up little bitch but then it gets better and you see that well, yes that's who she is but it ends up being  a charming story that packs a hella punch. 
and that ending!
W O A H!!!!
i was expecting the first part but not the second part. i think the ending made the book for me that much better. 

i loved this book so much, i bought a copy before mine was due back at the library. i loved this book so much that i was crying as i finished it. i loved this book so much that i already want to re-read it. (man, 2019 was a win!!!) 

its funny, but endearing. all of me wanted to strangle RJ but then i also wanted to hug her and tell her that it would be okay and that she should tell Felicity to fuck off. 
i also really hope that for the most part, the process into heaven or hell is something like that. 

anyway, ill cut this one short because i think I'm done for the next few days, because i don't think ill be able to do a proper review other than "i loved this read" and honestly, i just want to go play spyro on my switch. 

thanks 2019 for the amazing reads! i hate you for other reasons (like breaking my fucking toe 28 days into the year) but i love you for all the wonderful reads. 

jump over for basic spoilers.
Thanks for reading!
(i just realized that all the books that i want to re-read, i don't really want to do spoilers for. but all the ones I'm okay never reading again have in depth spoilers. woah.)