"again and again he told me that i wasnt myself. but he was wrong. i was the same me i'd always been. i'd just stop trying to glow in the dark for him or anyone else."
pub: 2020
pgs: we move on without pgs or we never move forward
heard: 1/22-26/2021
book: 5 in 2021
THOUGHTS
I liked it in the end overall but I didn't love it?
(might be a bit spoilery from here on our but not really. just warning y'all.)
January irked me.
I feel like she felt like she was entitled to everything upfront even when she herself wasn't being 100% open from the get go. (Liana, anyone?)
I felt she was very whiny about life and I get it, her dad had just passed a year ealier and there's a lot of other shit involved but.....to me she was too whiny....
like she clearly didn't hurt that hard over the end of her relationship with Jaque*** but she kept bringing him up. and I get it; you're still allowed to feel hurt when something ends even if you knew deep down in your core that it was never going to be for you in the first place but I just felt like she didn't even bother to feel that. she was just detached when it came to them. maybe because she was drowning under everything else that this being the least of her worries was obviously the easiest to go? Idk. (but if that's what Henry wanted us to feel then FUCK ME!)
but anyway, this would have been better had she been made to be strong, not because women are only always strong and have no other emotions or choice but because she understands the complexities of all of the emotions so she knows how to cope and speak her emotions, all of them, properly....when she's upset, she speaks on that instead of getting drunk and waiting for the liquid courage to kick in. I feel like at the end of it all she was too 😬 for the strength this role requires.
It's as if someone wrote the beauty that is Evelyn Hugo but replaced it with the 😶 story that is the unraveling of Cassidy Holmes. Knowing what Evelyn entails and requires, anything less than that just doen't work.
this version of January didn't not work but it just wasnt right.
[***(which by the way, should this ever be made into anything and they need a Jaques, please hire Julien. omg!!!! (watch him on holidate and you'll see what I mean. 🤤)]
And gus!, his little quiet side was cool but duuuuudeeeee!!!!!
like the whole disappearing thing and not saying anything to Jan was 🤯. not just once but every single time. and the biggest one is at the end where Jan ends up home solo and he doesn't even bother to give a fuck to contact her and see if she's any type of okay. just, *cricket noise.*
He'd just disappear to process and then reappear and expect it to be okay without explanation just because.
and just because he wasn't crying every 3 seconds like January was doesn't make him any less problematic. he's been dealt a shitty hand but he was not without love, he wasn't alone, he had a team, just not the one he wanted. he was afraid and scared to trust and it's understandable. But the whole disappearing act was just.......thats just another way that emotions and speaking words/time/space is wasted.
And also, that scene in the tent (you know, the one) really? Like really? That was kinda 😬. Yall were a few yards away from....and y'all were hooking up!?
They both did a lot of talking without doing a lot of taking but at the same time they weren't saying shit.....does that make sense?
For a lot of this book I was like 🙄 and then that shit with her dad pops up on page 316 and on and I was like fuck yea!
It finally picked up a bit for me there.
and if im being honest, the only character I'm sympathizing with is Sonya.
she was the only one who had her head on straight I think. I love the way she snapped at January to get her shit together about her dad. "You have pieces of him. You're the last person on earth with pieces of him, and if you don't want to look at them, that's your call. But don't pretend he left you with nothing."
she respected her space and left when they ran across each other but that last interaction they had!,
*chef's kiss*
Sonya might be the other woman but she's my #1.
not even Jan's mom was upfront about shit (which I get because she was the one being cheated on but still ya know)
Its a good story I just personally wasn't enamored with it. But I can definitely see why lots of people like it and maybe if I reread it another time I might vibe with it more but for now, its an okay read.
If both characters had just been upfront with each other and spoken with their chest instead of waiting for shit to fall over like a jenga tower so that they could then say what they were thinking then I think I wouldve loved it more because I loooove when people are upfront and honest about feelings, truths, everything!
I love Henry & will forever read whatever she writes because despite this not being a fave of mine she still has a way with words and she truly does have talent but my heart lies in her magical realism books (minus hello girls).
Anyway, yea. It was cool but not wow.
everyone in this town needs to grow balls.
Thanks for reading! 😄
Jump over for spoilers.
S P O I L E R S
January gets the house in Michigan and she can do with it as she pleases but she decides to sell it because who wants to keep their dad's fuck house.
But of course, right next door her arch nemesis, Augustus Everett, lives.
She thinks he's a dick but he's been in love with her since day -71627 he just didn't know how to tell her.
Blah blah blah.
They agree to each write about about what the other writes and whoever pubs it first, the other will endorse it left and right.
They end up hooking up even though she knows gus is a one time dude.
But it turns out that he's not, he's just used to people being dicks to him so he acts accordingly.
And it actually turns out he's married (going thru a divorce).
anyway, Jan's parents split up and when they did her dad went back to Michigan and ran into an old love of his life and they hook up but then mom gets cancer so he goes back but still kept hooking up with Sonja I guess (their affair is never really fully discussed) and then the dad passes away and Sonja shows up at the funeral to give Jan a letter and the key to the house. And the only reason Sonja did that was because SHE WAS THE ONLY ONE IN THIS ENTIRE STORY WHO HAD A BIG ENOUGH BACKBONE TO DO ANYTHING ABOUT ANYTHING!!!!
the dad had told his lawyer to leave that stuff to Sonja so that she could then deliver it to Jan because he knew that her mom would never be able to do that.
The dad might have cheated but can we talk about the emotional abuse he put Sonja through!???
UGH! 💔
So yeah....she's had the letter for a year, doesn't ever open it and it's not until one night that Gus' soon to be ex wife comes to one of their book reading things and she runs away and gus never follows up with her that she gets cornered by Sonja that she decides to read the letter and it turns out there's one for every birthday but there's also a boat in the marina with her name on it waiting for her (which by the way, who the fuck took care of it all this time?)
Dad explains the story but never mentions even being in love with Sonja,it was more like he wanted to see what his life could have been like (ugh, Sonja!) and so yea.
Blah blah blah.
Shadi finally comes over they clean, eat and breakdown and the next day gus blasts her with music and they dance in the rain. (Turns out his ex wife, Naomi wanted him back. ....this was after she left him for his best friend. 🙄😒😑). He tells her he wants to be with her norther if they don't get a happily ever after.
Jan sells the house, a year passes and gus ends up proposing to her infront of fam by giving her a piece of paper that said Marry Me.
(When they were writing they would write notes to each other about sorts of dumb shit so....ya know)
And yea, das it.
The mom still never said shit.
They do have a call one night but nothing is talked about in the book.
Oh well.
🦀
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