pages: 354
read: 2/4-6/2019 (i listened to it)
rating: it angered me so i guess it did its job.
book: 12 in 2019
SYNOPSIS
It’s been a year since Billie Flanagan—a Berkeley mom with an enviable life—went on a solo hike in Desolation Wilderness and vanished from the trail. Her body was never found, just a shattered cellphone and a solitary hiking boot. Her husband and teenage daughter have been coping with Billie’s death the best they can: Jonathan drinks as he works on a loving memoir about his marriage; Olive grows remote, from both her father and her friends at the all-girls school she attends.
But then Olive starts having strange visions of her mother, still alive. Jonathan worries about Olive’s emotional stability, until he starts unearthing secrets from Billie’s past that bring into question everything he thought he understood about his wife. Who was the woman he knew as Billie Flanagan?
Together, Olive and Jonathan embark on a quest for the truth—about Billie, but also about themselves, learning, in the process, about all the ways that love can distort what we choose to see. Janelle Brown’s insights into the dynamics of intimate relationships will make you question the stories you tell yourself about the people you love, while her nervy storytelling will keep you guessing until the very last page.
MY THOUGHTS
SHORT VERSION
once this "review" is up, i doubt I'll think about it again. but if you like books that fuck with you, then yea, it's good.
(update: before this was even published i forgot about it. i forgot about it once i was done writing this down,) gah.
LONG VERSION
UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
and that's it.
okay no but seriously.
i don't hate it...because it was a free library audio listen. had i paid for it, there probably wouldn't be enough dislike in the world to convey how i feel about this book.
it's not that it wasn't written well. it's not that it wasn't a very well told story it's just that if i could travel back in time and tell myself not to read this book, i would tell myself to skip this book....and maybe this one too.
Billie was just ugh. that bitch! and Harmony. that dumb bitch! and JONATHAN!! dude!!! i know you're hurting and need closure but come on! in your own home, think about your daughter first before you think about getting your dick wet. gah!
i cheated and looked for spoilers and luckily i was able to get some and i think that helped me pay more attention to the story. i think it was helping me piece everything together a bit faster. since i knew what happened at the end, i wanted to find out how it got to that point. had i not been able to find it, i think i would have given up on it.
you know what it is?
this story is supposed to be about finding Billie.
and while you delve into her past and then the search for her and i get that all that needs to be there, there was just too much extra going on. Olive was dealing with her shit and then that whooooole other thing that honestly would have been fine not being in the story! Jonathan was dealing with his shit. harmony was..., harmony was weird because honestly she could have just told Jonathan everything instead of letting him find out and then her being like "Oh, yea!, i knew." she could have saved us all some time. so she was just a bag of dicks. and Natalie (Olive's so called friend) was just a little shit. this "feminist, women do everything" little bitch just turns her back on her friend at an important time in her life instead of practicing what she preaches.
u g h!!!!!
AND BILLIE!!!!!!!!!
uuuuuuuughhhhh Billie.
all it was was that she was having a mid life crisis because Olive turned into a teen.
YES!
kids will love you til they hit 13. then they hate you for a couple of years and then you cant get rid of them! turst me! i know. im 31 and im not trying to leave my momma!!!!
ahhhhhh!
i think this kind of made her revert to her old ways. had she been able to penetrate Olive into what she wanted (for lack of a better phrase) i think she'd still be alive.
Billie is a bitch.
in the allness of it. Billie is just...evil.
is that a bit of a spoiler? meh, maybe. it depends.
baaah!, let me tell you how i really feel! lol.
it's just, too many things going on.
too many little sub stories trying to make their way into the bigger story and it was just too much. I can see how R brings them all together but it was just...why couldn't Billie just be who she was without bringing 45 different people from all over the globe into the story?
over all, if it's free to listen to and you got the time and you're okay knowing that you might dislike it eventually then go for it.
but i wouldn't buy the book...i think that it's saving grace; that i didn't buy it.
BTW, it's been about a month since i heard this and yes, this book still pisses me off. so you know.....know that these feels have had time to be what they are.
dear Billie,
I'm glad you are gone.
dear Jonathan & olive,
move the fuck on. you're both better off.
dear hannah & natalie,
dick.
dear calvin,
you're a dick too.
i hope you get caught.
(buuuut i can understand from a business point of view.)
thx for reading!
Billie isn't dead.
she bought a danish passport from Calvin and faked her death so she could leave Jonathan and olive behind.
harmony came back into her life, Sydney tried getting a hold of her, Olive was basically growing up and "no longer needed" mommy and Jonathan and her were drifting apart and she thought couples therapy was stupid so that wasn't happening.
so she decided it was time to leave her life behind and start a new one.
she had become what she thought was the stupidest thing you could ever be. a wife and mother in a suburban home.
the thing that was in the password protected file on her computer was information on Ryan.
Ryan was a daughter that she gave up for adoption. she only gave her up because it was too late for her to abort.
the only reason she was trying to get in contact with Ryan before she "died" was because Sydney was out of jail and she was afraid he would get a hold of their kid and he'd have the chance to tell her the truth about her mother before she had a chance to fill her head with lies about her father.
(also. the beginning when they're at the beach....Billie took them there to test fate. ryan was in the water. if they would have all made eye contact, she would have told Jonathan and Olive the truth but they never did so....she took that as a sign.)
Olive was a do good daughter and that bored, erm not bored but...yea, Billie. she knew she'd never be able to get her to be a bad person like she was or at least live a little bit on the wild side. meanwhile, Ryan was everything Billie could have wanted in a daughter but then realizes that she doesn't have her shit together and that ends up bothering her too.
Billie wakes up one morning and decides this is the day after months of planning(it had been planned in advance but you get what i'm trying to say.)
for months she had been taking money from their savings (she handled the finances) to live off of for a while and since she had gotten her passport, she was good to go. her plan was to go hiking, make sure she was seen and then jump to the other side, leave her boot visible somewhat in the river to make sure it was found and make her escape.
and i mean, there's a shit load i left out but that's the gist of it.
i just hated that they made like a 100 sub stories to make the one.
Olive's sexuality could have been left out of the story.
there was no need for that BUT i will say that her attitude towards Natalie in the end when she goes to apologize? AMAZING. like, cool, but i don't need you. that was the only good thing that came out of it for me.
Harmony was useless. she only had information after it had already aired. she could've been disposed off. the only reason she was "good" for was a) Billie sleeping with her mans and b) for someone to help Jonathan after her "death" but also for someone to help Jonathan move on before finally moving on.
idk, whatever.
over this book.
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