“Being brave isn’t the same as being okay.”
pages: 328
read: 6/20-22/2020
book: 49 in 2020
"We all know heartbreak. We just have to learn to live with it.”
Queenie Jenkins is a 25-year-old Jamaican British woman living in London, straddling two cultures and slotting neatly into neither. She works at a national newspaper, where she’s constantly forced to compare herself to her white middle class peers. After a messy break up from her long-term white boyfriend, Queenie seeks comfort in all the wrong places…including several hazardous men who do a good job of occupying brain space and a bad job of affirming self-worth.
As Queenie careens from one questionable decision to another, she finds herself wondering, “What are you doing? Why are you doing it? Who do you want to be?”—all of the questions today’s woman must face in a world trying to answer them for her.
With “fresh and honest” (Jojo Moyes) prose, Queenie is a remarkably relatable exploration of what it means to be a modern woman searching for meaning in today’s world.
THOUGHTS
"I guess karma was here for me; I could hardly fight back."
what an honor it was to go on that ride that you call life with you.
I wouldn't say this was another "Instagram made me do it" read but I have seen it there and I ran across it at target and just as I was getting ready to take it home, I saw Scribd had it so I read it there instead. (I should note I had no idea what this was about & I just read the synopsis as I was linking it. and i will be buying a copy for myself eventually.)
tbh, i read the first 10 pages in target and i decided to continue reading it cause i got a bit invested in her story and I'm so glad i kept going. The first half was kinda hard to, not get into but maybe read through. After her break up with Tom she goes through this sexual phase with several men that just werent good to her or for her and all of me wanted to shake her and tell her to leave and run away from them.
of course it's never that easy.
It's just one bad decision after another. Bad decisions and bad men.
....and then she's left without her job....
It's kinda like a catch 22.
If it weren't for all those men, she wouldnt have gone to the clinic where she wouldnt have met Elspeth who then led her to Janet.
Its honestly a rollercoaster of human emotions watching Queenie break apart just to see exactly what broke her in the first place so that we then get to see her build herself back up to the Queen that she is meant to be.
Emotionally I was there with her and I felt her hurt and all of me wished to lift that from her.
....and that ending! just perfect. Not too neat but not at all sloppy; just enough to leave you knowing that she will rise to her name.
everything about Queenie's journey albeit hard at times was just as it was meant to be; it was perfect.
As for the rest of the cast!: LOVED IT!
Cassandra can suck a D....but I guess she redeems herself even if she is still a bitch.
Darcy was the best.
Queenie's grandparents were something else and I loved em. Especially grandpa. I was so happy she he stood up for Queenie.
Aunt Maggie and Diana: LOL! ♡ loved them.
Q's mom. Ya dont get a lot of her but when she's there, shes there.
The horrible cast of guys: UGH!
But my personal favorite: *drum roll please!*, Kyazike. I fucking L O V E D her and I would do anything to be her friend / keep her safe.
She was so fucking funny. But she was also brutally honest and she always had Queenie's back. I'd read a book on her alone!
This book tackles mental health, getting therapy, the importance of Black lives matter, the importance of friendship and self discovery/worth.
This book was worth the read.
jump over for spoilers
thanks for reading!
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Queenie is moving out of her home with Tom since they are on "a break"
(she thinks they are going to follow up in 3 months to reevaluate their relationship where as Tom just meant "we'll just catch up in 3 months to say hi." but it's really over)
(she thinks they are going to follow up in 3 months to reevaluate their relationship where as Tom just meant "we'll just catch up in 3 months to say hi." but it's really over)
so she moves out into this shitty house situation thing and right away she starts sleeping with random dudes.
first with Adi. i think he was a neighbor and has been trying to sleep with her. he finally does when she calls him one drunken night. they have sex in his car and his wife (yes he is married. yes she knows) ends up finding out. Adi denies Queenie to his wife right to her face.
next she ends up hooking up with this dude named Guy.
he just wants to fuck her and he does but he's very brutal about it. like so brutal she has anal tearing, bruising and a whole other set of things.
then she hooks up with Tweed Guy.
he has actually been after her for the longest time. she wasn't paying attention to him but he was so insistent that it finally happened.
he walks her into a handicap restroom where they work and they hook up. he was literally a 3 pump chump and as soon as he's done, he ghosts her to the max.
so Queenie starts having panic attacks.
the doctor lady that she deals with at the clinic realizes that Q needs help so she tells her that she should talk to someone. she refers her to someone but of course Q and her family do not believe in therapy.
after Q hooks up with Tweed Guy, she keeps trying to get a hold of him but he keeps ghosting her so instead he then turns around and files a sexual harassment on her. which then leads to her being suspended for 2 weeks with pay which extends to a longer time.
since she doesn't have a job anymore, she has to go live at her grandparents.
once she is living there, she starts therapy and for the most part she starts healing.
Q and her mother used to be VERY close.
then her mother met this guy named Roy who started out great but eventually turned abusive. so much so that he made Q's mom sell her home so that he could then buy his own with her money. it got so bad that at age 11, Q was living on her own in a condo so that she wouldn't have to deal with him.
he would beat up her mom and belittle her.
so of course Q was scarred by that; she has abandonment issues.
so Tom leaving pushed her over the edge.
the shit with Adi pushed her over the edge.
the shit with Guy* pushed her over the edge.
the shit with Tweed Guy pushed her over the edge.
*Guy was some random dude she met at a bar. the shitty thing AND THE TWIST! is that Guy is actually dating her friend Cassandra. of course they didn't know because Cassandra was never able to bring Guy around. the only reason that they find out is because Q & Cassandra met up one day to have brunch. the night before Guy was so drunk he showed up to Q's place and he wouldn't leave. when the girls met up for brunch he is still there so Q leaves him a note that he should just leave when he wakes up. of course, he wakes up once the girls are back at her place. Cassandra loses her shit. and instead of taking it out on him, she takes it out on Q. so much so that Cassandra decides to move with Guy to who knows where. she called so much shit out on Q only to come back home after Guy kept on cheating on her.
she goes to talk to Tom thinking that they'll end up back together but in reality, he's moved on and is now dating some white girl from his job.
anyway, Q goes to therapy, she goes back to work after a security guard came forward stating that he saw Tweed Guy taking her into the bathroom.
little by little she starts getting better.
and now Tweed Guy is trying hard to get her attention.
she tells him to leave her alone.
(turns out he's married and his wife is pregnant)
he writes her a letter explaining his "situation"
he tells her that he's had a fucked up life and that he tried killing himself but he met his wife who wants a kid and basically will put up with him. and all this other stuff.....but also "i know im not allowed to ask this of you but can you please not tell my wife...." ugh, dick.
she turns around and gives the letter to her boss Gina (who was a bitch and didnt believe her in the first place) who then says they're going to fire him.
all in all (and im missing a lot but this is already long), her mother ends up winning the case against Roy (ongoing for 3 years) and she gives Q a butt load of money so she can leave her grandparents house and get a place of her own.
the book ends with Q having dinner with her family and friends.
(Cassandra comes back a this point and she's still being a bitch but she "apologizes")
i guess you can interpret the ending as she will be okay because no matter what she is surrounded by people who love her.
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