ahhh!!! this is it! hellooooooo 30's!

                                                                  

1. a bear hug from my very first rave. 
2. a shot from my first "grown up trip" by myself with friends to San Francisco. 
3. i went to eat eat kbbq with my cousin at UCLA and this man came up to us and he just stuck his finger in my food. dead center. so of course, i had to give it to him. lulz

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back in the middle of December i had this epiphany that i should write a love letter, if you will, to my 20's. 
in a matter of less than 24 hrs, i will be welcoming my 30's. (and hopefully still with John Mayer & Dave Chappelle in tow.) (i wrote this post on Saturday night and i'm not going to rewrite it so....yea. we  did bring the new year in with DC & JM & it was fucking bad ass!) 

anyway....i wrote this and then i left it alone. mostly cause i got lazy but also because i wasn't 100% with what i wrote. 

and then tonight, on the last Saturday of the year, i had the realization that i was spending the last Saturday of my 29th year at home eating soup, binge watching new girl in my comfy ass robe. 
and if you wouldn't believe it.....a few minutes later i realized that 

I WAS SPENDING THE LAST SATURDAY OF MY 20's EVER AT HOME!!!!!

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1. that one time stupid chonch sent me to the hospital. that was the first Friday i had stayed home that new year after going to raves, shows and trips. i was soooo mad!!!
2. met the no ma'am guys at beer fest. 
3. coachella 2013
4. power ranger manis with my mom and sis
5. mom time on moms day weekend with our moms this year. 
6. the love of my life, Benji. may you rest in piece my little chicken nugget  <3

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it freaked me out. 
and then i organized my planner, paid my bills, sat down to watch more new girl and it all felt great. 
this is who i am. 
i don't go out and i don't party and if I'm not with Ruben, I'm at home so this is how it was meant to be. 

i spent my last Saturday in just about the best way possible.

I'M ABOUT TO BE 30!!!!
holy crap.

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1. my fave selfie. dirty hair ALWAYS knows how to act when it knows it has to get washed, ugh!
2. bringing in 2017 with the girls. #itsallarisk <3
3. mom, sis, and i at a cousins 15. 
4. at the beach. love when he takes pics on his own that result like this! lol
5. sis & i out for drinks when i had work the next day. safe to say, i went in late. gah
6. sis & i going idk where but emojis are the best lol. and i would NEVER get an iphone EVER in my life but i would do it in a heartbeat if i could use that teeth emoji FOREVER. its my freaking favorite!!!
7. mom & i messing around at Walmart at like 2 am when i had work the next day. (why do i do this to myself!??) 
8. my brothers graduation! <3

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my 20's! 
man. they were amazing. 
there's so much that i want to say. 

its crazy that i feel this way about turning 30 when i didn't even think twice about it as i was leaving my teens. 
its amazing to me the way that time can open your eyes to things that you've already lived and experience and never thought of before until you're crossing that bridge once again. 

i LOVED my 20's. 
they weren't all great and I'm sure some of those bad moments were just shit i stirred in my own head to make worse than they really were but when they were good, they were great and when they sucked, well, they taught me a lesson. 

my 20's gave me an amazing time. 
from shows, to concerts, to festivals, to road trips, to flights (mostly recently but they count) to EVERYTHING in between.....those times were A M A Z I N G. 

my 20's taught me to have an amazing time and laugh and love and take it all in. no matter the emotions being served at the moment.

i did so many things that just even thinking about them put a smile in my face because if the good that i remember makes me feel that good imagine the even better that i probably forgot? imagine how much more happiness that could only bring to me. 

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1. going out to a birthday lunch for/with my dad. we weren't really in each others lives for most of my 20's so this means a lot. 
2. took this pic of my grama with her kids and its one of my faves. probably the best pic i have ever taken. 
3. for i forgot what year after new years at gramas, we went to my cousins house. they gave me this basically all eaten cheesecake as a bday cake. i like how the wii controls make it look like a face. 
4. i mean this meme. i cant. lol 
5. Gladys bringing me a bday cake before we went to anarchy back in our "party" days lol 
6. my mom, sis & i digging up all sorts of parts of the house. this is what home ownership with my mom looks like lol. 
7. we broke into the bakery at Lucky's to get frosting to decorate my moms bday cake since they were closed lol 
8. Santa Monica with Andy. love this shot. 
9.  a hungover Louise looking for some pho
10. mom & grama made me into Louise for Halloween and AHHH!!! (the hat was bought on etsy) 
11. ugh! i LOVE the neighbourhood live! i begged someone to go with me but they couldn't. i took my little cousin and that's her fave band so it turned out even better. i also loved how red my nail looks lol. 
12. celebrating my bday at Disneyland. 

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i fucking loved my 20's!!!!!!!
Jesus!!!!

i hope that I'm doing their memory justice because i know I'm probably not saying enough but just the feelings they give me when i think about them put this huge smile on my face and tug at my heart in the best way possible. 
ahhhh!!!!!
there's so much that i lost but so much that i gained. 
there's love that i lost, there's love that i won. there are friends that i lost but so many others that i met. 
there was a good to every bad and a lesson to everything put on my path. 
and even to this very moment I'm still dealing with some of that loss with the only way that i can (acceptance) but learning that that's the way things have to be because you can only try for so long before you finally realize that you can only carry the burden for so long. 

i want to say that the best thing that my 20's thought me was forgiveness. 
in myself. 
in others.
in timing. 
in faith. 

you can want something all you want but in the end, it will all unfold as its meant to. 
(sorry i know i might have gotten cryptic all of a sudden but i need to get it out.) and no matter what you do or what you say or what you promise and ask for and a#kw%ejf&%*ka*(&js!!!!! what is meant to be, will always be. 

learn to accept it. 

acceptance and forgiveness. 


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1. i love the parties my bfs family throws. that's my sis & i with chapo. lulz
2. my brother turning 18 and us throwing him a princess themed party. lol that filter was just a bonus. 
3. making props for my SIL
4. my sis bought me a freaking MK purse for my bday last year bc i needed a grown up purse. happy 1 year babe!!!
5. my love for bobs burgers ran hella deep! seeing them live was amazing.
6. diy'd a calendar that lasted about 3 months cause i got over it. 
7. to all the hikes and walks i took in my 20's that ended up with heart shaped rocks! <3
8. the first time i had benji with me. love ya little nugget. 
9. selfies! I'm so glad these were invented in my late 20's and not when i was in high school. 
10. drunk in San Diego for my bday. 
11. Disneyland took over my 20's and I'm not even mad about it. i will always love that place no matter how commercialized it becomes. 
12. the drive into Zion in Utah. LOVED that place. 

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dear 20's, 
thank you for everything. 
for all the memories. the heartache. the love. the truth. forgiveness. the sights and views. the drives. the 1 (haha. yea man. that 1 is a beautiful drive.) the songs and the music. 
for every person that crossed my path whether good or bad, it was all for a reason. 
for every ache and every jolt of good. it all shaped me into who i am and who i continue to be. 

you were amazing. 
thank you for it all. 
it might have not been what i was picturing in the mist of it all, but you knew what you were doing and i see that now that I'm at the finish line. you gave me more than i could have ever imagined. 

it's time for the 30's to take over and take all those lessons and build a (hopefully) even better person. ahhh!!!!


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1. date nights with him <3
2. the first set of peonies that he got me. 
3. more selfies. i LOVE the scar that my stupid dog gave me. 
4. the first time i professionally got my hair done. 
5. my brother and i goofing off. 
6. ice cream at Disneyland? YES PLEASE!
7. that big sur trip will always have the biggest piece of my heart. thanks Jonathan. 
8. 'nother bday cake thanks to my sis <3
9. hand stitched hearts that i sent all over the world! <3
10. accidental pics are the best. these were my "partying" days with Monique and i loved them. and if it wasn't for her, i would have never met Ruben so thanks mon. i love you for that!
11. self explanatory
12. more bday love in my room. 
13. forever always taking pictures of my feet. not sure why but always. 
14. dressed as Tina one Halloween and i got to meet capt crunch. 
15. Halloween bar crawl and this dude said he loved my outfit all the while that was all he wore. bahahaha!!!!

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HERE'S TO 

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go out there and LOVE EVERYONE!!!!